i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
