Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
