I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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