Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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