cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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