How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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