I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
