now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
