never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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