the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
