I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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