I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize