The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
