drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
