jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
