dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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