week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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