I just pynch a tree in the face
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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