I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
