In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
