Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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