you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
