He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
