I accidentally burped into my bong.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
