Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize