Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
