I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
