I just made out with a guy for $7.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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