Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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