So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
