I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
