I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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