my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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