I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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