You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
