I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
