Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize