I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
