ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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