apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
