If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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