playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
