You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
