It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize