i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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