you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
