so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
