i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
