Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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