how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
