I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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