Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
