I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
