No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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