Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
