he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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