The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
