True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
