Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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