i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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