he wants to bone in the snuggie
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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