Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
