mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
