it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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