me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
