his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
