She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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