Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize