I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
