can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
accomplished twins. life is a go
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize