I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Oh god it's open bar.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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