Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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