do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
