That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
