does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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